facebook woes

A friend recently commented that my facebook wall was devoid of any posts or comments, and was inundated with game updates. She was basically trying to say I was a no-lifer, which I don't completely deny.

In fact, the only reason why I'm even on facebook is to manage a virtual restaurant (restaurant city) and a virtual me (sims social). Nowadays I don't even do that anymore.

On rare occasions, I post a photo of something in my garden pray fervently that someone other than the mum or the dad notices it. I later realise that a photo of my awesomely wondrous chilli plant, no matter how well composed or beautifully shot, can never compete with the latest self-flattering photo of a teenage female narcissist.

A CATEGORISATION OF FACEBOOKING SPECIES (WARTS AND ALL)

1) The teenage narcissist
Description: Favourite pastime is to post camwhore shots of a pouting, big-eyed, supposedly cutesy self. Photo albums belonging to this species typically contains proof of at least 500 attempts at some ego-boosting, attention seeking, self-glorifying madness. 10 times more likely to be a female than a male.

2) The budding mouse hunter
Description: Lives on facebook for a chance to catch a virtual mouse with a virtual mousetrap every 15min or so. Utopia for this species would be a city made of super brie. Takes delight in announcing the latest catch of the day.

3) The oh-so-deep intellectual
Desciption: Species who posts abstract abstracts from shakespearean works, the latest gaga song, the theory of relativity etc and expects you to come to a conclusion that he/she is made of better stuff than the rest. Typically at odds with species 1 - the teenage narcissist. Very likely to check a comment for grammatical errors and opportunities to add in a bombastic word before posting it.

3) The cursing & swearing ranter
Description: Painfully adept at blindingly colourful language and rivals a Singaporean at complaining. Loves to find fault with everything and finds every opportunity to declare that the world sucks and is against him/her. Never manages to finish a sentence without peppering it with the latest profanity. A wannabe rebel that is unlikely to be one in real life.

4) The pessimist
Description: Highly emotional and unstable, posts suicidal thoughts every 5s and generally does an excellent job at dampening your mood. Compels you to comment on her post to comfort him/her with a big virtual hug and a thousand smiley faces. Most probably a hopeless attention seeker.

5) The optimist
Description: Highly spiritual and loves to quote uplifting verses from the bible. Most likely to remind you of the phrase 'Sunshine yellow butter mellow' and spends time searching out for pessimists to shine some golden rays of hope into their dismal dark lives. These are the good samaritans of the facebook ecosystem. Their saint-like image sometimes belies their true nature.

6) The no-lifer
Description: Manages to post a game update congratulating himself/herself for a casual-gaming achievement every 10min. Irritates everyone by sending out countless gift requests and game invites that everyone ignores. Loves to post photos of chilli plants and stupid grasshoppers. Most likely to take the form of Zenia Quek.