zilch

I think I have freaking a lot of respect for some people, because they deserve it. And to think I didn't really look up to them before. Last time I was this big fat giant who just crushed everyone underneath my feet, because I thought they were insignificant.

Sometimes I wonder why everyone else grows while i just stay the same. Like my achievements seem so insignificant compared to what they have. Achievements. What achievements? Thinking back, it seems that i have wasted 2 and a half years doing nothing that I can consider of value. I did more things when I was younger, achieved more, dreamt more, thought more. Now I am just turning into this lump that sits around and drools over gadgets.

I want to be 6 again. I want to run, leap, jump, dance like there is nothing to worry about. No self-consciousness, no peer-pressure, no caring about what is happening out there, as long as it doesn't concern me. I want to be hardworking, caring, obedient again. I want to have ridiculous dreams and goals again. I want to grin like i did last time.

And then of course I always remind myself that I am wasting time doing nothing. But it doesn't work, does it? In the end, I am still in front of the computer screen, typing away about ridiculous things the moment i get the chance.

Sometimes I really wonder, what on earth I am doing, or going to do with my life. There is not always going to be a tomorrow.

I am less than what you think I am. I am afraid of your expectations of me.